At twenty five, Benjamin Franklin conceived a plan for moral perfection. Originally he had twelve virtues that he sought to add to his life. But when a friend told him he was considered prideful because of his debating skills, a new virtue was added to the list, humility.
It has been said that once you realize you have humility you have lost it. There is perhaps no passion so hard to subdue as pride. Franklin found his pride manifested itself when a debate arouse. Rather than being content with being right, he was overbearing and rather insolent. Franklin stated that this was clearly seen in his disregard to the opinions of others. He purposed to fix this by not contradicting directly others beliefs and not making any positive assertions of his own. He changed every word or expression that conveyed a fixed opinion such as “certainly” and “undoubtedly” to “it appears to me” or “I believe.” When a person asserted something that he thought was wrong, rather than allowing himself the pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, he strove to hear him out and then to humbly show why that opinion might not be suitable in that situation. Franklin said that when he adopted this rule his conversations went on more pleasantly, his friends were more ready to accept his opinions, and it also helped him to admit when he was wrong. I might also add that asking questions is also a good device to use. We often do not know why a person has come to their conclusions. Rather than assuming, we should find out clearly the reasons he believes he is right. Also, questions change the mode of the debate from deductive to inductive. It then becomes a process of self-discovery. It is somewhat of a backdoor approach. Rather than assaulting the castle head on, we slip through the back (perhaps this isn’t the best illustration for humble debate :-). I believe often we confuse the purpose of private debate. The point is not to prove the person wrong but to win him to your side. Your choice between these two will affect your tone and attitude, and I might also add the response of your hearers. In closing, I believe that Franklin is right: all of us need to practice humility in our debates.
You say that, "The point is not to prove the person wrong but to win him to your side." How can one hope to sway someone to his side if the other person thinks their position is correct? In some cases it is necessary to prove the other person wrong in order to win him to your side. Especially if we are talking about factual matters instead of just opinions. Humility goes along way in every area of life as does the little known skill of tact!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment Phil. My point was that you win him over in how you show him he is wrong not that you do not show him he is wrong. I thought the context of my whole article centered on that assertion. I'm sorry if that wasn't clear.
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